What's Love Got To Do With It?

So I decided to start another blog called: "Welcome to Heartbreak City", on account of the material I've written in the past that isn't necessarily appropriate for what I usually post here. For those of you that have ever had your heart broken or are experiencing relationship issues and feel like you're all alone, this is a place where you can go and find some closure, one way or another. Whether you need a male's perspective on things or just need an outlet to get your thoughts across, feel free to stop by. Composed in the aspect of a hopeless romantic--it's a collection of my thoughts and encounters, on my persistent quest on finding love--which usually resulted in failure. So don't expect to read some fairy tale, lovey-dovey type bullshit. That sort of romance just doesn't exist in my opinion. Anyway, check it out and let me know what you think.

Confession Pt. 1

Every now and again, I believe I'm going to this so-called Hell for the mistakes I've made when I was younger. Call it guilt or paranoia, but if this place actually does exist--I'm hoping it's one big rager instead of what other religions consider it to be. I would never deem myself as a terrible person who is constantly shoveling out evil deeds on others, but Lord knows I've made my fair share. Whether it be for the way I've treated women like objects during my college years; drug pushing to provide a better life for myself and family, while I was destroying others; or the robberies I've committed when I was kid because I needed money and wasn't eager to work hard for it. I'm not sure why I even feel this way sometimes, since I'm no longer a practicing Catholic. Though, I do consider myself to be an Agnostic theist. Ever since I've retired from the street life, I've walked down this road to redemption for the pain and trouble I may have caused others. But at the same time, I have no regrets on how I've lived my life and wouldn't change a thing. Knowing life could one day unexpectedly revert back to that state it was once in, I have yet to break all my underworld ties. I left the game some years ago because the strain and worry it put on someone I cared so dear for. Every day has been on going battle in my mind to keep moving forward and not digress back to that lifestyle. But I can never knock anyone whosever lived it. Hey, It's made me the man I am today. I just can't help but feel that karma will one day catch up with me...

Sometimes I feel like the company I keep is holding me down. Not that they're intentionally keeping me from what I truly want to do with my life, but more like we've reached the point where there's no longer room for growth. They're not bad people at all. To be honest, they're the complete opposite. But more like my current interests, far exceeds what they want out of life. I fear I'll be stuck doing the same shit every weekend--drinking downtown at the same bars for the past 5 years--when knowing I want to do something more productive and meaningful with my life. I want to travel and see the world. I want to do charity work and help the less fortunate. I'm too young to settle down and give into the social delusion that the next step in life is to get married and start a family. I'm not even remotely sure I want either one--ever. At times, I feel horrible for wanting to make new acquaintances to get away from the monotony of my existing friends...

There are some occasions when you come back into town to visit your friends & family, we end up hanging out even though we haven't spoken in years. We get together not because we plan to, but rather due to the fact we share the same friends. It almost feels forced upon us. However uneasy the situation may be for the both of us, we always seem to pick up from the last time we last saw one another. As if, we're still close friends. Even though we dated years ago and have moved on with our lives, I still hold you in high regards. I hope you know that. There are times during these encounters, that our conversations have turned awkward. Please don't take it personal, it's only because...

I Digress...

For the past 2 weeks, I've been on this sobriety hiatus, to save up some money to finally pay off my credit cards and most importantly, help clean out my system. During this duration, I forgot how nice it feels just to stay home for once and relax in solitude, away from the smoke filled bars I'm so used to frequenting. Whether it be catching up on some good reading, watching documentaries on the History/Discovery channel, or just watching a classic movie on TCM--it felt good to get away from the constant attempts to drown my liver in alcohol. Not to mention I started feeling sick during this time, which was weird since I hardly get sick, but I thought it necessary to let my body recover for a while. As I think of it now, the time off from partying didn't just help my body recover--but has also helped me shed a couple of pounds off my belly from drinking too much beer. I have stuck to my new routine of working out and even started jogging a little bit, to help get me back in to shape. I was finally feeling healthier than I have for the past couple of weeks...

But this past Thursday, I relapsed. It was my friend Christina's 30th birthday and felt like I should at least stop by her work to wish her a happy birthday, since it's been a few weeks--since we've last seen or talked to each other. Did I mention she bar tends at Matador? Well, she does. Knowing fully the likelihood of me going out to a bar without having a few drinks were slim, I figured I owed it to myself to enjoy a night out and break my streak. There were times during the day I considered backing out and sticking to my new routine, but the more she updated me on how horrible her day was going and wished her birthday were already over, didn't help sway my decision on staying home. In effort to cheer her up, I decided to stop by Matador while she was working and surprise her with a little present. Before I headed downtown, I stopped by Publix and picked up a box of Hostess cupcakes and birthday candles to use for a birthday cake. You ask why I would do this? It's because I'm not an asshole 24/7. I'd like to think my random acts of kindness can make a difference in someone's life, regardless, how big the gesture. Plus when I met her earlier this year, she informed me of some bad birthdays she experience from her childhood and conveyed why she didn't like celebrating the day at all. So hey, why not try to make a difference in someones life, especially on their birthday. Maybe my feeble attempt to surprise her would rewrite how she felt about her born day. To say the least, it didn't make everything better, but it helped... I'm okay with that.

I did end up drinking a lot that night, to the point it took me almost 12 hours the next day to fully sober up. Ridiculous, huh? Hence the title of this post. I also came up with the stupid idea that avoiding beer and

drinking liquor for the rest of the night, would help curb some weight gain from my alcohol consumption. Haha. Anyway, good times were had. It was good to get out of the house and see a few friends, while listening to some good music. No regrets here. It's a new week and I'm ready to start over again...

Completely off tangent, I did manage to also smoke this weekend. I rarely touch the stuff now-a-days and when I do, I usually get extremely paranoid. Sometimes to the point I don't even enjoy it and question why I did it in the first place. This time I got to the point I thought I was really being watched!

After spending all day Friday recovering from the previous night, Saturday afternoon I headed to the beach with a couple of friends to enjoy a beach day. Unfortunately by the time we finished eating at Ron Jon's, a thunderstorm had already rolled in and ruined our chances of enjoying our fun in the sun, before it even got started. FML. I forget Florida summers coerce it's inhabitants to wake up earlier in the day to have an opportunity to bask in the sun, before afternoon showers move in. Weird thing happened on the drive back when we got caught in the middle of this huge thunderstorm, where it's raining so heavy and you can't even see 5 ft. in front of you. I swear Florida has the worst torrential rain, ever! Anyway, The Foo Fighter's song: "D.O.A." came on the radio while we were driving thru it. I seriously felt like I was on some "Final Destination" type shit. It seriously creeped me out. Luckily there weren't too many cars on the road during the time and we made it home safe and sound. Whew!

Tonight, I went to the movies and watched "Away We Go" with a friend. I thought it was a cute film that dealt with finding peace of mind and security while trying to raise a family. I swear Sam Mendes makes some beautiful, yet insightful indie flicks. I also received "Revolutionary Road" in the mail from Netflix this weekend, but have yet to watch it.

I've been waiting since Sundance to finally watch this flick! The 31st can't come soon enough...



On a good note, I maybe going to Chicago at the end of August since this month's trip was scrubbed. I can't wait! Hopefully everyone had a great weekend. If not, too bad.


-Signing off from the trenches-

Walking Disaster

So, I some how figured out how to bruise the inside of my left wrist without consciously knowing it. I woke up the next day baffled upon seeing it and tried to retrace my steps from the previous day, to uncover how I might have obtained this beauty mark, but no to avail. WTF?! I wasn't even drunk. Sad I can't even remember when I'm sober. I tend to bruise easily anyway. It's probably due to vitamin C deficiency, but who knows. Chances are the next time you see me on the street, I'll have a new bruise to chat about. Anyway, I figured I'd share this useless piece of information with you, assuming there's anyone even reading this...

* This photo was taken before the bruise fully turned black & blue. Now my wrist looks like it has track marks from shooting heroin.

Team America - Fuck Yeah!!!

When I think of celebrating the 4th of July, I think of laying out on the beach, boozing with friends, barbecues (burgers, hot dogs, freedom fries) and of course the customary firework display. It's hard to imagine not commemorating the holiday without gazing up at the vibrant sky, lighting up with an assortment gaudy explosions. As if the heavens were having their annual rager, to kick off the summer and you were just fortunate enough to witness the festivities from outside the venue. It's funny how I just pictured that. But this year, I did none of the above. I felt like changing things up for once and decided to head to the Bacardi B-Live Concert at the House of Blues, instead of watching the traditional firework spectacle you observe every year. Without question, an excellent choice to honor our forefathers. Did I mention the concert was free?! No? Well, it was. Jealous? Though I did spend a good amount of money on steep drinks and immediately remembered why I try to avoid tourist areas for that reason. I'm also traumatized about driving in tourist areas, due to the fact of my car being a moving target for out-of-towners in the past. In my opinion, the only setback to the event was that they only served Bacardi and nothing else. I'm not really a fan of drinking rum, let alone the Bacardi brand. No other types of liquors were sold, which makes perfect sense from a business standpoint since they were the ones sponsoring the event, yet they also decided not to serve any beer. WTF?! I felt like asking the bartender: "Are you seriously trying to give everyone D.U.I.'s for the holiday?!" Don't get me wrong. I'm not mad at Bacardi. They're just trying to make money and market their product. It just would've been nice to have some more options, if you felt like switching it up. Needless to say, I was drinking Bacardi & Coke all night. Ugh. Still, nothing like enjoying a free concert with close friends and dancing the night away to great music. Though I was baffled that the concert wasn't sold out and wasn't as nearly packed as I was expecting, which I guess was also a good thing. It was a good mix of a crowd made up predominately of hipsters and hip-hop heads. If you weren't there, you definitely missed out. There's not many good acts that tour through Orlando and play a free show...

The highlight of my night was when I got to see Matt & Kim perform live. I've been stoked all week to finally have the opportunity to see them in concert. They certainly brought good energy to the stage and what I could only describe as a "dance party" vibe to the event, which was overshadowed by hip-hop beats. I found Kim so adorable, since she kept a huge smile on her face, the whole time she was playing the drums. But don't let the smile fool you, the chick can seriously rock out. Pardon the picture above. It was taken on my iPhone...

Also, I got to witness DJ Jazzy Jeff spin another dope hip-hop set, for the second time around. How awesome would it be if Fresh Prince came out to join him? But nothing compares to the set I heard him play during the Scion yacht party a few years back, during the W.M.C. (Winter Music Conference) down in Miami. A booze cruise with a few hundred people sailing around the Port of Miami, while listening to some classic hip-hop and soulful house music. Plus, it was also free (open bar & appetizers). Come on! It's hard to top that...

All in all, good times were had. I even got to lay out pool side earlier that day, to recover from the previous two nights. So far, I'm content on how this summer is turning out... Hope everyone enjoyed the holiday weekend with friends and family. If not, you're not a God damn American! On a serious note, please keep in mind the soldiers over seas, that are sacrificing their own lives, to fight for our so-called freedom. Shit ain't free, you know. On a happier note, I felt it appropriate to post the picture below.

(photo via olivia allin)

-Signing off from the trenches-